Friendship, they say, is like a fine wine — it only gets better with time.
But let’s be real, it’s also like a never-ending stand-up comedy show. Because what’s a good friendship without laughter, inside jokes, and hilarious moments that can make even the most mundane days a riot?
To that end, I’ve collected the best funny quotes about friendship I could find online.
So get ready for a good dose of laughter as we celebrate the joys, absurdities, and, yes, occasional chaos that comes with the territory of friendship!
1. “Friendship is so weird… You just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like ‘Yep, I like this one’ and you just do stuff with them.” — Bill Murray
2. “A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.” — Jim Hayes
3. “Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” — Greg Tamblyn
4. “Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.” — Laurie Colwin
5. “My friends and I are crazy. That’s the only thing that keeps us sane.” — Matt Schucker
6. “Friendship is being there when someone’s feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.” — Randy K. Milholland
7. “Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.” — Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants
8. “A good friend will always stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
9. “You can always tell a real friend: When you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” — Laurence J. Peter
10. “I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places.” — Mark Twain
1. “Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” — Robert Brault
2. “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
3. “You will never realize how weird your friends are until you start describing them to someone else.” — Unknown
4. “Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.” — Unknown
5. “Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’” — Cookie Monster, Sesame Street
6. “It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, loving, generous, caring, and smart. My advice to y’all is, don’t lose me.” — Unknown
7. “Marriage: a friendship recognized by the police.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
8. “One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements.” — Marcelene Cox
9. “The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.” — Aaron Machado
10. “There is nothing better than a friend unless it’s a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
See also: 200 Sweet Chocolate Captions For Instagram You’ll Love
1. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’” — Groucho Marx
2. “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” — Unknown
3. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.” — Rita Mae Brown
4. “Friends make you smile — best friends make you giggle ’til you pee your pants.” — Terri Guillemets
5. “Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.” — Unknown
6. “We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.” — Unknown
7. “Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” — Unknown
8. “I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends.” — Unknown
9. “I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room… but not too humid because, you know… my hair.” — Unknown
10. “Best friend: the one that you can get mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.” — Unknown
1. “True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together.” — Unknown
2. “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.” — Unknown
3. “Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.” — Unknown
4. “One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.” — George Carlin
5. “You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.” — Unknown
6. “Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.” — Unknown
7. “Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.” — Unknown
8. “There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.” — Sylvia Plath
9. “I hope we’re friends until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh*t out of people.” — Unknown
10. “I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this.” — Unknown
1. “I love my coworkers, they always make sure I have someone to blame for everything.” — Unknown
2. “No bond is stronger than two coworkers who hate the same person.” — Unknown
3. “If my coworkers were any creepier, I’d have to start bringing a garlic necklace to work.” — Unknown
4. “Finding a coworker who understands your daily struggle is like discovering a unicorn in the office.” — Unknown
5. “Work made us colleagues, but our potty mouths and inappropriate conversations made us friends.” — Unknown
6. “A good coworker is someone you can share funny YouTube videos with, and then pretend to be productive when the boss walks by.” — Unknown
7. “My coworkers are very supportive — they always show up to my nightmares.” — Unknown
8. “Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them do not work, and the other half is not so bright.” — Unknown
9. “A true friend at work is someone who understands your need for a two-hour lunch break.” — Unknown
10. “I would totally hang out with you even if we weren’t paid.” — Unknown
See also: Top 80 Work Friends Quotes For Your Wonderful Coworkers
1. “If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.” — Unknown
2. “The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.” — Jay McInerney
3. “I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” — Unknown
4. “Friends offer free therapy.” — Unknown
5. “If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.” — Unknown
6. “Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.” — Unknown
7. “I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something.” — Unknown
8. “Never let your friends be lonely…. Disturb them all the time.” — Unknown
9. “We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” — Unknown
10. “Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.” — Unknown
See also: 60 Brilliant Wine Quotes That’ll Suit Your Taste Buds
These funny quotes about friendship are a reminder that it isn’t just about shared secrets and mutual support; it’s also about the shared laughter that makes friendship all the more enjoyable.
Hope you enjoyed reading them!
Read next: 100 Awesome Quotes About Spending Time With Friends
